Face Painting

I was visiting my four-year-old niece recently and we were both so excited to see each other! On my last day there, I was preparing her (and myself) for our goodbye, as I would be leaving in the morning. We cuddled on the couch together and I was reviewing some of the things that we got to do together and explaining that even after I left the following day, I would look back at my art presents from her and think about her. My niece understood that I was leaving but she wasn’t done yet! She took my face in her hands and looked into my eyes. She smiled and giggled a little as she thought of what to do next. She said, “I’m going to paint your face.” She proceeded to “paint” a butterfly on my cheek with her finger. She was tracing my face and looking very close. I admit that I was a little uncomfortable at first- having the sun spots and wrinkles seen so close up. She kept painting across my forehead and onto my nose, as I let go of my own insecurities. Then it was my turn to paint on her face. She giggled and continued to look closely at me. I painted a cat at her request. “You forgot the whiskers,” she said. Boy, was she paying attention and letting me know that I’d better pay close attention too.

Was my niece just merely having fun? I believe that she was filling up on her connection to me. She was getting all she needed to feel even more assured in my relationship to her before I was to be absent. She knew how to do this because her parents have given her a wonderful attachment framework.
Children with a positive and strong bond with their caregivers tend to:

• be more independent
• have higher self-esteem
• be more emotionally balanced
• rebound from disappointment, loss and failure and
• communicate more effectively

As an adult, my niece will likely be flexible, creative, hopeful, and optimistic due to the strong bonds she has developed. 
Here are my three favorite activities that you can do with a child in your life to help them build relationship and feel a secure connection!
1.     Snap a Picture- Look at your child. Smile. Take a mental picture. Then close your eyes and describe your child’s face and clothing in detail out loud. Tell your child “ This is how I build a picture of you, so I can think about you even when you are not with me.”

2.     Mirror- Invite your child into an activity where you follow your child’s movements exactly with your own. Take turns, as if you were looking into a mirror.

3.     Face Painting (Thank you, Ella)- As described above, take turns “painting” a picture on the others face gently using your finger. Notice them closely as you do this and allow them to notice you and fully take you in.

There are many activities that you already do to anchor a connection to your child. These experiences allow them to recreate strong connections with others and be confident in themselves as loving and worthy.